Here’s What You Need To Know About Sex Parties


When you think of a sex party, you think of abandoned inhibitions and crazy S&M swinging, each room revolving around a different fetish. Think again. Nerve sat down with Scott Brown, self-titled Sexpert and founder of, to talk all things behind-the-scenes. Read below to enter a world of dirty coupled consent.

How do you find out about attending a sex party?
Sex parties are more accessible than ever. A quick Google search for burner parties, swingers parties, play parties, or lifestyle parties will lead you to dozens of events happening in your area. It’s a small community, so once you get into one event, you begin to hear about the other parties by word of mouth. Some parties are more elite and have a secret society-esque invite lists and such, but they are a small minority.

How are they kept safe?
“There is a basic screening process in place for most parties. You are usually required to submit a photo, provide identifying information and explain why you’re interested in going in advance. However, this community uses an honor system. You go in knowing there are risks involved. It is your responsibility to be safe and use personal discretion.

If you think about it, people run the same risks at a sex party as they do when they take home someone from the bar and have sex with them. Yet the former is seen as wading into a cesspool of STD’s and the latter is seen as ‘normal.’ Go figure. Condoms, paper towels, regular towels, wipes lube and anything one might need to do the deed are made readily available.”

What should one bring with them?
Some parties are BYOB so if you have a beverage of choice you’ll want to bring that along with you. A lot of parties are themed as well, so you’ll want to be sure you dress appropriately for the theme. Common themes are white parties where you dress all in white, Halloween parties, 80’s themes, etc. Like I said before, condoms, lube, towels are usually provided, but if there’s a special brand you like to use you’d want to bring that with you.

Due to hygienic safety reasons, no sex toys are made for public use at a party, so any toys you want to use would have to be brought along with you. However, most people just show up in costume with some booze. That’s all you really need!

What are the rules?
Most sex parties have a buddy system in place that says you come and leave with the person you came with. This keeps everyone on their best behavior. Single girls sometimes get a pass, but in most cases, no one attends sex parties alone. Aggressive cruising is also a big ‘no,no’ at sex parties. The term cruising is a lifestyle word that essentially means “flirting with a purpose,” with the purpose being hooking up with that person. Cruising is a part of the sex party culture and everyone accepts cruising. But when you aggressively cruise it can get you in trouble or even kicked out. If someone is not interested, then you move on. But if they decline your advances and you keep putting the pressure on, they can complain to the party directors and you’ll be kicked out in no time. That kind of attitude is not tolerated.

There’s also a very obvious 100% consent rule: do not touch or do anything to anyone without their express consent first. Violation of that would also get you kicked out. And it’s important to keep in mind that this party community is small. If you get kicked out of one party, word will spread and your chances of getting into other parties will go way down.

Finally, parties are not huge money-making industries. Most staff on hand are either volunteers or being paid very little. So if you attend, being nice, courteous, and cleaning up after yourself is paramount.

Who is the average attendee?
Some parties cater to very specific demographics like Latinas, all women groups and every imaginable group in between. The crowd varies by host but in many cases the middle class to upper class, elite couples dominate the sex party scene. But there are parties that are more focused like BBW parties, senior citizen parties, fetish/kink parties, gay parties, etc. The more niche you are, the smaller the parties get. The more generalized parties tend to be more well-attended.

How many people are usually in attendance?
The number of people that attend the parties totally varies the way it does any other party. Some sex parties have big, open layouts similar to a crowded rave and others are very dark and intimate with only a handful of people. Some people want big parties, some people want small parties. There’s something for everyone.

What are the protocols of dress?
You arrive to every party dressed. Some parties have designated rooms for sex that are away from the main mingling room. Sometimes, to enter these more private areas, you will be required to undress to get in. They do that to prevent gawkers just standing around with their clothes on as people are going at it. They figure that if you have to get naked, the more timid couples will stay out. I’m not a big fan of this set up, but some people really like it. I prefer the parties that are just one big open space and whatever happens happens. But I’ve never heard of a party where you couldn’t get in unless you immediately undressed. I don’t think a party like that would be successful.

What is the “buddy system” in play?
The buddy system is being adopted by a lot of parties because it helps keep people in check. Think about it. If you show up alone to a sex party and cause a ruckus or generally are an asshole and get kicked out, what do you care? You just go home and forget about it. But if you have a buddy, you inherently understand that they will be kicked out too, which puts you on your best behavior. So a lot of parties strictly enforce that you come into the party with your buddy and leave the party with your buddy. It’s a good way to self-police. It also makes it so your party is not unevenly attended by one gender, after all, no one wants a party with 25 guys and 2 girls.

What sort of places are they hosted at?
Loft spaces and large hotel suites are the de facto party space in any city. Some parties are so successful that they are able to rent out their own club that is specifically designed just for sex parties, but these are rare. When you’re throwing a party like this your options are limited as far as space rental goes, so you’ll take anything you can that will work. I’m attending a party this weekend that takes place in a space that is a martial arts dojo by day. It’s kind of funny.

Are there parties for various relationship types?
Every conceivable demographic has a party they can attend. Most parties are, as one would expect, geared towards heterosexual couples. But there are a lot more parties recently that have been throwing that setup out and being far more inclusive of alternative relationship structures. I think it’s great, it makes the parties more fun. But some people are more “conservative” (if that word even makes sense to use in this context) and are only comfortable at parties where there are men and women having heterosexual sex. And that’s cool, too. There are plenty of parties for those people.

What does your average sexual interaction at one of the parties look like?
The sky’s the limit. I’ve seen guys sitting on couches getting a blow-job from their wife for hours straight, and then leaving. I’ve seen girls getting railed by 6 guys at once. I’ve seen clusters of men and women tangled together in a giant orgy where you can’t even tell who’s doing who anymore. I’ve seen 5 girls go at it together while their husbands/boyfriends just sat and watched. Whatever you can imagine, I’ve seen it. But the most common situation one sees is two heterosexual couples having sex next to each other and then swapping partners. You see that at every party. It’s funny, when I first started going that was pretty mind-blowing, but now I’m just like, ‘That’s all you’ve got?’

Lastly, what are your top tips for a first-timer?
The number one tip for a newbie is to talk with your partner(s) about what is OK and not OK before the party even begins. Some people go into a party with an ‘anything goes’ attitude, which sounds fine when you’re sitting at home after a few glasses of wine, but when it’s actually party time and the reality of your partner being sexual with someone else sets in, all of a sudden things are different.

If you come up with some reasonable rules for your first time to slowly work your way into the party world you’ll be far better off. That being said, you should also go into the party with an open mind. If things naturally start to lead into a certain direction for you and your partner, then go with it. You want to avoid one partner feeling excited and the other partner feeling terrified. That’s when things get bad. Try to be on the same page beforehand.


Try A New Sex Position Tonight

Let’s turn up the heat

You don’t need to dig out your dog-eared copy of the Kama Sutra to add a little spice to your sex life. And you certainly don’t need to be Cirque-du-Soleil flexible to reap the benefits of a few new variations. Here are 11 twists on classic coupling. (Looking to take back control of your health?

Reverse missionary

Straddle him with his legs together. “Some women love being on top so they can feel seductive,” says Debby Herbenick, PhD, a sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Good.

Bonus benefit: You can rub your breasts on top of him.


Hip hugger

When you’re on top, you get G-spot stimulation, plus you have more control of the rhythm and depth of penetration (deeper penetration also ups the odds of a vaginal orgasm—here are 5 more ways to get there). But in this position, with his hands guiding your hips, you can both drive the bus.

Bonus benefit: “It can be difficult for men to keep strong erections when the woman is on top,” says Herbenick, “but because his legs are up, he has more leverage and can give stimulation to himself when he needs it.”



You’ll feel relaxed and ultraconnected in this loving cocoon, though it can be a bit tricky to get into. Raise your top leg and take it slow. “When men have trouble getting or staying inside you, they think they’re too small,” cautions Herbenick. So take your time and help guide him.

Bonus benefit: It’s great if you’re pregnant or worried about morning breath.


Hip flex-er

Start out supporting yourselves on your arms, then take turns: When one person leans back, the other does more work.

Bonus benefit: With this setup, women can get the kind of stimulation they want. “Raise your hips and control the movement,” says Herbenick. “Go deeper or more shallow. Feel your front, back, or side walls. Try thrusting or grinding.”


Missionary—45 degrees

Starting in the missionary position, he turns his body at a 45-degree angle. “The vagina is not nerve rich,” says Herbenick. “Its purpose is to birth a baby, so you don’t really want too many nerves there.” But you may experience more clitoral stimulation and sensation on the side of the vaginal walls, which can feel good to some women, she says.

Bonus benefit: Try this position without penetration if you have pain or dryness issues—he will enjoy the friction of being between your legs. (You don’t have to just put up with dryness. Here’s help.)

On his lap—facing away

He sits on the edge of the bed while you, with your back to him, lower yourself down. You’ll get more leverage if your feet can touch the floor. “You’ll both have free hands to stimulate each other,” says Herbenick. “This position feels fun and young and sexy.”

Bonus benefit: He’s perfectly positioned to hit your G-spot and reach around to help you orgasm.


Standing rear entry

This position allows for deep penetration up to the cervix, says Herbenick.

Bonus benefit: You don’t need a bed—or a bedroom.



Kneeling, he straddles your left leg while you bend your right leg next to his body. You’ll both feel deep penetration, plus he can free up his hands to caress and stimulate you. Both partners will find this position relaxing, and for women, more relaxation means better, easier orgasms.

Bonus benefit: Men get tired during sex, especially in missionary position, says Herbenick. “Sometimes endurance issues are for cardiovascular reasons and sometimes men can’t last because they can’t support themselves on their forearms and hands. In this position, he can relax and last longer.”


Supported doggy style

Lie down with a pillow or two under your stomach so he can enter you from behind. With the added support, your lower back won’t hurt.

Bonus benefit: He’ll feel bigger (good for him), and the fit will be tighter (good for you).

MORE: Kegels 101

On his lap—facing each other

He sits on the edge of the bed or chair while you, facing him, climb on top. “Seated positions are great for G-spot and clitoral contact,” says Herbenick.” Use your legs and pelvis to grind more than thrust so you can get clitoral stimulation as well.”

Bonus benefit: Face-to-face sex allows for eye contact and whispering to each other, which is important for women, notes Herbenick. (Feel closer than ever with these 10 little habits of connected couples.)

Knees to chest

When you spread your legs out or back you shorten the vaginal distance, which can be pleasurable but not necessarily lead to climax, says Herbenick. “Some things are fun but not orgasmic,” she adds. If you have tight hip flexors or hamstrings, go easy. And if dryness is an issue, try a water-based lubricant.

Bonus benefit: “Men have trouble having orgasms as they get older,” says Herbenick. He can climax more quickly in this position, which allows him to thrust powerfully.


11 Sex Secrets From the Experts That Will Set Your Bed On Fire

This is the season for fun, freedom, feminine energy and sexy new beginnings. It’s the perfect time to make sure that your inner bombshell blooms when it comes to love, sex, dating, and relationships. To get the best tips to set your sexy time on fire, I called on my sexpert besties.


Just consider us The Black Sexerati. These spicy sexperts are a diverse group. We are married, single and engaged, heterosexual, gay and pansexual, female and male, formally educated and self-taught, Christian and other, coaches, writers, and speakers. Here are 11 super-hot sexpert tips to make your toes curl—from oral sex to juicy foreplay to a move called “the Stallion.”

. Embrace Your Self-Pleasure.

Reading your Intimacy Intervention advice questions each week, I see that many of you are still scared of the M-word. So let’s kick off this party with my tip that you’ll need for all of the other ones. You most likely won’t go blind, get addicted or over-stimulated but pleasuring yourself has all kinds of incredible benefits.

Masturbation leads to you knowing your luscious body better. You will reinforce to yourself that you deserve pleasurable touch whether or not you have a partner. You will know what pleases you so that you can show someone else. You can experiment alone first if you are feeling shy. You can even put on an incredible show for your partner.

When you have the body confidence, you can explore adult toys, foreplay, roleplay, and tantra. When you are in love with yourself you can communicate with your partner. When you have self-esteem, you don’t feel the need to compromise your sexual self and you have the courage to take responsibility for your own orgasm.

So with toys or without, please yourself often. Studies show that self-touch can increase feelings of confidence and self-esteem. In addition, women who indulge in self-pleasure are reportedly more orgasmic. Yeah!

2. Give the Ultimate Oral Exam.

Ladies, this oral sex tip is going to raise the bar on your fellatio game. Men have something called a prostate. It’s located in their anus about 2 inches up and when it’s stimulated it creates waves of blissful sensations. You will need a small silver bullet vibrator, warm water, and a teaspoon of honey. Add some of the honey to your tongue and lick his pleasure stick slowly. The honey also adds to the flavor and enjoyment to the art of going down. Take a few sips of warm water. The warm water melts the honey and creates a warm, soft, velvety sensation to his penis.

While slowly going down on him you want to turn your silver bullet vibrator on low, and press it gently against his perineum. The perineum is the area between the scrotum and the anus. This will stimulate his prostate externally. Gently massage the area with the silver bullet while orally pleasing your lover. He will experience the best knee jerking, toe curling orgasmic experience ever!”

—Tracey R. Bryant is a Sexual Empowerment Coach and the creator of Sensual Honey Sweet Yoni Tea, an organic, aphrodisiac tea that makes your lovely lady parts smell good and taste sweet.

3. Your Natural Musk

“Don’t have ‘that thang’ smelling like flowers or candy. Your lady parts are the flower. Your lady parts are my candy. That ‘sweet thang’s’ natural aroma and nectar is perfect! You can’t put it in a bottle and it’s never duplicated. I feel like, if we don’t both smell like ‘that thang’ when we are done then we didn’t get in there properly.

Here’s the key: We both have to be fresh to get it popping. I love taking a shower with my baby before engaging in her love. I have arrived at the point in my sex life where I have to be free to lick where I want when I want. I’m grown. As a man, I don’t want it just in my mouth, I want it ON MY FACE.

The goal is to have your partner never curious or desiring anything from anyone else—ever! You need to turn your partner out! Every couple of months something has to get broken… a vase, a glass, a picture frame, a bed frame, a headboard. Dents in the middle of the mattress don’t count!”

Steven James Dixon, Author of Men Don’t Heal, We Ho – A Book About the Emotional Instability of Men and the upcoming Love Capacity, has been married over 10 years.

4. Get Kinky with it!

“I have seen people struggle with their desires for kinky sex, BDSM and all manner of fetishes. And as tough as it might be to be honest with others, you first have got to be honest with yourself. Know that is is absolutely OK for you to have kinky desires or outré fetishes, and that you are worthy of having your needs met in a loving and consensual setting.

My husband is my dominant and owner. Yes, my owner. We have a consensual ‘Power Exchange’ relationship. He waited until he was 60 years old to seek out his true desires. He had a lifetime of fantasies of sadism and longed to salaciously torment hot-and-sexy victims, but his upbringing labeled such things forbidden. Then adulthood sealed his fate as a guilt-ridden, secretive dreamer. Now he’s happy, fulfilled, kinky as hell and loving the explorations of our new life.

Dare to get what you want! One of his few regrets is that he denied himself this dream for decades. I, on the other hand, have been a hedonistic explorer since high school and had no qualms about telling my partners what I wanted and, in turn, finding out what turned them on.

It can be really scary to tell your beloved that you have desires outside of so-called “vanilla” sex but you’ll be happier if you’re honest about your desires. Be honest with your partner(s) and honest with yourself and let your freak flag fly.”

—Mollena Lee Williams-Haas, known as “The Perverted Negress”, is a BDSM/Kink Educator, author, performer and muse. She is also the founder of

5. Learn to RECEIVE pleasure.

“In the past I’ve had lovers say that I was afraid of my orgasms. You could have the best lover in the world, who knows all the ways to please you with an unlimited supply of energy, stamina and sexual curiosity. But if you’ve been taught or accepted that you’re only allowed a certain amount of happiness, joy and bliss, you may intentionally be limiting your capacity for pleasure.

I used to only allow past lovers to get to a measured point and then I would pull away. I had to actively work on being a pleasure receiver. Much of this deals with shame, guilt and social expectations on what I was allowed or not allowed to feel. Eventually I learned, I am supposed to FEEL, especially pleasure and bliss! In order to grow in closeness with yourself or your partner, you must actively live in a place of vulnerability.”

—Sheena LaShay is an “Intellectual Sensual Shaman, Wild Magical Woman and Cultural Provocateur” who leads workshops, retreats and events. Her digital home,, is the space where vulnerability, eroticism and power intersect.

6. Talk Dirty to ‘Em.

“Sex is supposed to be fun so get even more adventurous by talking dirty. Tell your partner how you like it. Share with him where you want it. Use your imagination and voice all of your dirty desires. Sex talk helps to stimulate your sexual partner’s major senses—so imagine how hot and bothered he’ll be once you tell him how horny you are.”

Dami Olonisakin, award-winning sex and relationship blogger, is the founder

When it comes to dirty talk, Shawntell T’Neke, the Sensualista, adds: “Indulge in sexting and phone sex. They are the best EVER when you are your partner are not together! However, have you tried this when both of you are in the same home, at work, or while lying next to one another?”

7. Stallion Him, Baby!

“Ladies, this is the secret to your orgasm and to getting whatever you want. Put on a large white t-shirt and a sexy pair of heels! Yes.

Now, command your partner to lie on his back. Climb on top, facing him, and go for a ride. Take 10 LONG thrusts—or however many you like. Control your thrusts, turn around, grab his ankles and continue riding. Right before he releases, hop off and put him in your mouth! Yeah, I said it. This position will keep him from climaxing before you and possibly get those new pair of heels for your next ride. I’m just saying.”

Shawntell T’Neke also known as The Sensualista is the CEO and founder of S.H.E., Sensually Hers Evolved. The Sensualista is a life coach, keynote speaker and event host.

8. The Largest Sex Organ? The Brain

“Many believe the genitals run the show when sex is about to take place, but it is actually the brain that is the center of command in every sexual experience. The brain is responsible for releasing the hormones. The brain is responsible for the signals and chemicals necessary for the body to prepare for sex, and when the mind is clouded intercourse can become difficult.

Weakened erections, lowered libido, inability to orgasm and vaginal dryness can all be caused by the mind being preoccupied by emotional and psychological factors. Relaxing the mind and becoming one with the body before sex is critical for optimal sexual performance and pleasure.

Release inhibitions by talking before the act, participating in couple’s erotic massage, playing music or lighting candles infused with lavender or jasmine essentials oils for relaxation. For more complicated emotional or psychological factors such as depression, low self-esteem or anxiety, seeing a doctor will help in restoring balance within the mind, body and eventually sexual energy.”

—Tyomi Morgan is a Sexuality Coach, Playboy Radio Host, and Resident Sexpert

9. Stop with the Jabbing Already!

Tinzley’s tip is for men, so you may want to share it with someone you love.

“Guys, we get it. Our warm vaginas are extremely mesmerizing. We know you want to be all up in it but please remember… It’s a gentle place and she requires gentle strokes and caresses that make our toes curl up.

I like a man to rub me gently and turn me on without leaving carve marks on my treasure chest with sharp unfiled nails! Calm down and just stroke with your hands. Don’t attack the vajayjay.”

—Tinzley Bradford is known as Settle-Free Dating Coach and author of The Settle-Free Dating Method for Women. Get her advice

10. Communicate your needs.

“Neither of you are mind readers. Talk transparently about your likes, dislikes, wants and needs. To have a truly intimate experience, tell your partner where you like to be touched. The more comfortable you are communicating your sexual desires, the better your sexual experience will be.

Focus on pleasing each other. Sex should be a time of selfless connecting with your love; a time of making sure your partners needs and wants are met. If your focus is pleasing him and his focus is pleasing you, both of you will be pleased in the end.”

—Yvonne Chase aka The Single Woman’s Cheerleader is a dating and relationship coach to singles and pre-committed couples. Find her at mixing her Christian faith with pop culture.

11. Remember Making Out?

I hope that you’ve enjoyed all of the steamy tips from my sexpert besties. Here’s one to keep your long-term relationships hot. It is simple, but far from basic.

Remember when kissing each other felt so erotic that you wanted to rip each others’ clothes off ASAP? It was so hot and sexy when you first got together! You would put your lips together and let your tongues explore. Now you just automatically repeat the same formula, night after night.

The lips are an incredible erogenous zone. Bring kissing back to your erotic repertoire. Touching lips and tongues can enhance the bond with your partner like none other. Sex workers will do everything else except kissing because the act is so intimate. You’re not just swapping spit!

Sexy romantic kissing gets your feel-good love hormones like dopamine and ocytocin flowing. Your heart rate increases. Your pulse quickens. Your partner feels the hotness. Yes…If kissing has escaped from your bag of sexual tricks—bring it back, fast! Extra points if you can build anticipation by kissing in a place where you can’t readily get naked.

Thank you for your Intimacy Intervention advice requests every week!

Her Deepest, Darkest Sex Secrets Revealed

What you don’t know could be sabotaging your sex life. but what you’re about to learn could help you discover untapped pleasure.


We women like to keep a few secrets. But holding back too much is like wearing a bra while having sex—we know that baring all gives guys a more honest (and hotter) perspective. That’s why Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., a professor of sexuality at Indiana University, invites her students to anonymously submit sexual secrets to her Tumblr blog, IUSecrets. “The beginning of a relationship is about ‘impression management’—trying to look attractive, to be smart and interesting,” she says. “But to create connection, we need to be vulnerable. Revealing secrets lets people do that.” And it can be pretty hot. When we asked women to spill their sex secrets and desires, threesomes and orgies showed up a dozen times. Girl-on-girl was a common theme. Then there were the sexual sleights of hand: infidelity, fake orgasms, no orgasms at all. (We hope your wife’s name isn’t Jennifer–see her secret below.)

Here we divulge women’s steamiest, raunchiest, and yes, most disturbing secrets—and help you strip down your own sex life so the only secret in her closet is Victoria’s.

“I had my first real orgasm this summer. I’ve been married nearly 15 years.”


“I was constantly sexually suggestive to my ex-boyfriend’s roommate, and it would get me so hot and bothered, I’d immediately need my ex to do me in the closest possible proximity to the roommate.”

–MEGAN, 20

“I will always do it better myself.”


“I love the idea of getting caught in the act in a public place.”


“My boyfriend knows I have a vibrator but not how often I use it. Our sex life is great, so I’m afraid I’ll throw it off if I tell him.”


This may be one secret she enjoys keeping. In a Journal of Sexual Medicine study, more than two-thirds of women said their guy would probably be okay with their vibrator, yet they still keep their toy a secret. To feel her out, “start with something positive—‘I think the idea of a vibrator is sexy.’ Then ask if she uses one and if she’s open to using it together,” says Herbenick. If she’s game, start with the Silver Bullet—it’s about 5 bucks, has a multispeed dial, and is small enough to fit closely between your bodies.

“I still check my ex-boyfriend’s e-mail.”

–MARIA, 26

“I would daydream about you, but you don’t fulfill my desires and fantasies in bed. I wish you had a little Christian Grey in you.”

–STACY, 40

“I slept with one guy while dating another. Both in a 24-hour period.”


“I thought it would hurt less to tell someone I had too much on my plate at work and school than to admit that I no longer found him attractive.”


“I frequently flirt heavily with strangers to make sure I’ve still got it, even though I’m in love.”


“You’re beautiful” sounds different coming from another man’s mouth. “Women often don’t trust compliments from their partner,” says Marianne Brandon, Ph.D., coauthor ofReclaiming Desire. “They think, ‘You love me, so of course you feel that way.’ A compliment that comes from a stranger may feel more validating.” Try turning it into foreplay: Suggest she flirt with someone nonthreatening, like the bartender (he’s used to it), and watch from afar for a voyeuristic thrill, says Brandon.

“I stripped on amateur night at a strip club.”


“It turns me on when a guy takes control. It turns me off when he tries to control my life outside the relationship.”


“I don’t do nice. I don’t want it nice. I like it dirty every single time.”


“I clawed into his back not because I wanted him more but because I knew it would turn him off—because he wasn’t turning me on.”


“I cheated on my ex, and that’s why we broke up. My boyfriend of 2 years doesn’t know because I don’t want him to think I would do it again.”

–SARAH, 22

Once a cheater, always a cheater? Not necessarily. But you still need to fill each other in on prior infidelities. “You need to both feel confident you know why it happened so you feel confident you can prevent it,’’ says Brandon. Banner adds: “You should worry only if she hasn’t connected the dots—‘This is what I learned, and this is why I did it.’” Even if you’ve both been faithful, talk about temptation every 6 months, says Brandon. “This keeps things from becoming secretive.”

“I asked a man to move across the country with me, with no intention of marrying him.”


“I want to make a game out of initiating sex in public places, where some earn more points than others.”

–TARA, 31

“I visualize women when I masturbate.”

–SUZ, 25

“I check his phone/e-mail all the time. I know it’s bad, but I have to ‘fact-check’ every guy I date.”

–KATIE, 20

“That ‘move’ that you have that makes me scream your name? Yeah. It sucks. I screamed out once because I wanted it to end, and now I’m stuck pretending I like it.”


Brace yourself for an ego killer, guys: Two-thirds of women who yell their partner’s name, moan, or scream during sex do it just to speed things up, say British researchers. Unfortunately, “there are no good physical signs women are faking it,” says Herbenick. “Not everyone has sex flush or noticeable contractions.” Instead of playing Sherlock in the sack, regularly engage with her about what feels good, Brandon says. “As the relationship evolves, women often start to like new things anyway.”

“I fantasize about other men all the time.”

–LIZ, 25

“Watching porn turns me on. Something about seeing a woman naked excites me.”


“I prefer the friends with benefits arrangement.”


“I’m worried that we pushed things too far too fast, but I don’t know if we can survive toning it down between the sheets.”

–LILY, 24

“I’d like to have sex more often if it weren’t so meaningless or chorelike. Seduce me, turn me on!”


Sexual boredom may seem as certain as middle-age spread. But just as bad habits inflate your spare tire, laziness may be to blame for a dying sex life. In a British study, women said men taking sex for granted was a major cause of sexual boredom. That’s when duty sex begins—and her libido fades. If you amp things up, she’ll want to pursue you. So give her a massage, go out dancing, tell her when you fantasize about her—all powerful cues for her arousal, a University of Texas at Austin study found.

“I have an ongoing sexual relationship with a married couple on the side.”

–NENA, 29

“I clawed into his back not because I wanted him more but because I knew it would turn him off—because he wasn’t turning me on.”


“I’ve never had a real orgasm. I fake it every time.”

–RACH, 23

“Before I start dating a new guy, I do an unhealthy amount of research—Facebook, Google, LinkedIn, even criminal records. Then I casually bring up things in conversation that make him think we have something obscure in common.”


In the age of online dating, we’ve begun measuring compatibility by obscure common interests. (“OMG, she loves truffle fries too!”) Resist that urge. “If you’re a little different, you learn new things. Your world expands,” says Herbenick. “Show her all sides of you, and she may be intrigued by something that never even occurred to her.” It’s okay to do some YouTube research, say, for the sake of conversation. But draw the line at pretending that you, too, are dying for a Spice Girls reunion. You’re not fooling anyone.

Fights Couples Have Right Before They Break Up

Uh-oh. Stuff is hitting the fan in your relationship. Could this be the end? Don’t all couples fight? So what’s the difference between a healthy fight and one that’s apocalyptic? These fights typify probable signs of the end, or what should be the end.

Let Me “Help” You Change

Couple in toxic relationship

It’s their first date. The chemistry is through the roof. They share tons of significant, oddball similarities. But… She thinks smoking is disgusting. He’s a smoker who claims he’s quitting. He’s in recovery for alcoholism and can’t stand being around social drinking. She relishes an excellent, fine wine with dinner but figures it’s no biggie to give it up for someone she loves.

Fast forward a few months…. Fights erupt about how they can “help” each other change their habits. Neither feels free to “just be” or act naturally. Resentment accumulates and ultimately grows stronger than the commonalities that would bond them together.

Rachel Dack, MS, LCPC, NCC, explains that it’s not a good sign when you start to fixate on how your partner should change instead of looking forward to spending time with them.

Oops! You Did It…Again

“It’s your turn to clean the bathroom and take out the trash, and you just happen to have a meeting to go to again. Right. You just want me to do your work for you!”

When one person takes on a pattern of accusation, it’s like they keep pre-deciding that the other is guilty. It puts the accused on the defense. It doesn’t invite them into a problem-solving conversation.

According to Russell B. Lemle, Ph.D., the accuser’s emotions may be causing them to misread their partner’s behavior. They’d do better to tell their partner how they’re feeling and ask for what they need.

The accuser might express exhaustion from “trying and trying” (or nagging and nagging). The accused may feel they can’t win. They’re likely to cut their losses and call it a day.


I Didn’t Do That…Really!

Denying responsibility for one’s actions might keep one’s so-called sense of peace intact, but inevitably it causes a raging torrent of stress for the other person. In fact, Personal Development Coach Angela Chernoff calls denying responsibility toxic.

Take this conversation, for example: “Hey, check out this prune. It’s like your face, only less wrinkly.” “Ouch, are you saying I look old?” “I was only kidding. Don’t take me so seriously!”

Or, this scenario: “I saw you talking to that super ripped guy at the party. It seemed like he was flirting with you. Were you flirting back? “Oh come on. I was just being nice. As if.”

Denying is lying. Taking responsibility for one’s actions, feelings, or motives can reverse a negative cycle. Otherwise, denial will poison and kill the relationship.

Did You Seriously Just Cheat on Me…Again?

Cheating and infidelity

It’s not as if it’s easy to trust a first-time cheater. The first-time cheating fight won’t necessarily flow as smooth as cream. People might yell, throw things, and curse. But there’s some hope if the cheater exhibits certain behaviors like cutting off contact with their lover and showing genuine remorse, explains Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.

A second time betrayal though? Come on, now! Not so much. Stephen A. Diamond, Ph.D. advises that being unfaithful twice constitutes a pattern and signals an unwillingness to change.

Even if the fight is calm and cool, the second confrontation over cheating implies that the trust is entirely broken, and so’s the relationship.

You Just Spent How Much?

We’d all love to believe that love reigns supreme. And love certainly does reign…as long as two people share a similar financial philosophy and a similar practice with their money.

A word to the wise: if fights about money exist in the relationship early on, they’re most likely not going to go away. They’ll escalate, especially as two lives and two bank accounts come together as one. This study examining the relationship between financial issues and divorce confirms the correlation between financial disagreements and divorce.

Fights about money often lead to paying the high price of losing the relationship.

Your Dream Is Not My Dream

One partner, now unemployed, decides to spend all their time and energy working on the novel they’ve always dreamed of writing. The one who’s bringing in the income starts implying the other’s a deadbeat. Or, one partner gets a management position in a company they believe in. The other complains that they’re never at home.

When partners don’t support each other’s dreams and goals, things are bound southward. eHarmony Advice warns how important it is to have “missions that mesh.” eHarmony’s matching site even includes a section on the profile to describe what you’re most passionate about.

If one partner expresses hostile resentment, ridicule, extreme annoyance, or shows a lack of support for the other’s passions, it could be a fork in the road. Time for each to take a divergent path.

Haven’t We Been Here Before?

Spiral staircase

Have you heard the expression “going around the mountain again”? It means you just do the same thing over and over without learning your lesson or without resolving the issue. You’re like an old LP that keeps playing the same old retro disco beat nonstop.

If a couple is having that same fight again, it could be that they’re going around the mountain and not learning anything at all.

There’s a chance, however, that the couple goes over the same issue and does get somewhere each time, as if chipping away at a resolution. That’s more a “climbing the winding staircase” scenario.

If neither person engages in self-reflection, agrees to get help, or agrees to seek a win-win solution when that fight comes up again, it’s probably time to abandon the mountain and go separate ways, implies Ravid Yosef, Relationship Coach.

Fighting? I’m Not Fighting!

You know that war-tactic called stonewalling? “Rather than confronting the issue, someone who is stonewalling will be totally unresponsive,” writes Gottman Institute author, Ellie Lisitsa. They may try to evade conflict by tuning out, appearing very busy, or spending their time on obsessive behaviors

Once in a while, it’s normal for one partner to get overwhelmed and deflect a budding fight. But when it’s persistent and repetitive behavior, that person is digging in their heels and refusing to engage in any conflict, preempting resolution.

And that’s one of the worse fights of all…the one that doesn’t happen, says Rhoda Mills Sommer, L.C.S.W, B.C.D, A.C.S.W.

Is Your Relationship Doomed?

There are always exceptions to the rule. Many couples can pull each other out of the mire and back onto solid ground. However, it requires a willingness and capacity on both parts to take a good look at one’s own heart and behaviors and commit to make changes toward resolving differences. If not, you can choose to continue walking up the proverbial winding staircase, even if you ascend solo.

7 Days of Sex Positions

Invisibility cloaks: Now you see me, but for how much longer?

Scientists are racing to perfect practical cloaking devices that can hide objects from sight by bending rays of light

Invisible man

They won’t help you sneak around Hogwarts unobserved. Nor will they help a Klingon spaceship attack the USS Enterprise without being detected. Nonetheless, scientists are getting ever closer to fabricating the first practical invisibility cloaks.

In the past, scientists have experimented with different metamaterials that can direct and control the propagation and transmission of specified parts of the light spectrum – and could be used to render an object seemingly invisible. Last month, scientists at the University of St Andrews in Scotland led by Dr Andrea Di Falco reported the creation of a flexible cloaking material they call “Metaflex”, which may bring commercial and industrial applications significantly closer.

Now the journal Nature has revealed that two separate groups – one based in Singapore and the other at the University of Birmingham and Imperial College London – have made objects each a few centimetres in diameter invisible. They credit the special properties of calcite crystals – and calcite is a cheap and common mineral made of calcium carbonate.

“Carpet cloaks” – scientists’ preferred term – render covered objects invisible by bending light rays as they enter the cloak and then when they exit it. Calcite has special optical properties and in this instance light is bent in such a way that the rays seem to have been reflected directly from the ground below the object – as though it was not there, in other words.

The team at the Singapore-MIT Alliance for Research and Technology (Smart) has built a calcite carpet cloak that can shield a small steel wedge measuring 38mm by 2mm from red, green and blue visible light. It is designed to work under water.

“I think governments could make a lot of use out of a cloak that can hide objects on the seabed, although I won’t speculate on exactly what they may want to hide,” George Barbastathis, a mechanical engineer who helped develop the Smart cloak, told Nature.

Cloaking devices are keenly awaited and coveted by the military. Defence chiefs believe such devices will usher in a new age of stealth technology and allow them to hide planes, ships, spacecraft, tanks and other vehicles from radar. More advanced versions could ultimately be good enough to make objects or troops invisible to observers, it is believed.

The Birmingham and Imperial team, led by theoretical physicist Sir John Pendry, a pioneer in this field, has constructed a calcite cloak that manages to hide objects that are several centimetres in height. Their cloak only works in the air.

Hopes of developing fully functional invisibility cloaks in the near future have been further boosted by the fact that both the Singapore and London devices turned out to be much cheaper to make than earlier attempts. Those first versions were built using intricately fabricated and highly expensive silicon microstructures.

By contrast, the materials needed to make the Smart team’s cloak cost less than £1,000, according to Baile Zhang, another member of the team, because calcite is inexpensive.

“It’s not quite easy enough to make at home, but it’s not too far off,” Zhang said.

One of the concerns about cloaking used to be that people would only be able to cloak microsize objects. But according to physicist Michal Lipson of Cornell University, New York, these new breakthroughs point to an exciting future. “We are close to cloaking objects that we are familiar with in everyday life,” Lipson said.

St. Patricks Day sex position

It’s that time of the week again here at Erotic News. In celebration of the upcoming St. Patricks day, we’re doing an all things Irish edition for sex positions. How do the Irish like to get it on? Is it by dipping a dick in a frosty Shamrock Shake? Or with cold green beer being licked off hot body parts? Those definitely sound like sexy Irish foreplay, but for this St. Patrick’s say sex position, you’re going to have to think a bit more creative!



St. Patrick’s day is just a few short days away, so you’d better stock up on your “Kiss Me I’m Irish” t-shirts, green food coloring and green condoms! Lot’s of sloppy, hot sex happens when people get drunk and way more people than normal will be overindulging on the booze on this Irish love day. Don’t get hot and excited without knowing you’re properly prepared for St. Paddy’s day and a new sex position.

Your St. Paddy’s day sex check list


  • Condoms, preferably green.
  • Green bra and panties for her, green boxers for him.
  • Large empty sauce pot.
  • A bed or a floor with a few pillows.
  • Couple of green beers.
  • An Irish sex partner, preferably a little person dressed all in green.

Hopefully you’ll be crawling in at 4 in the morning after a great evening of drinking an cheering with your Irish sex partner. Go to the kitchen and grab a sauce pot and two more green beers, then head into the place where you want to have sex. Put the pot off to one side and the beers off to the other. Now is the time to get the pillows out. Places them under the hips of the person being penetrated until they’re propped up quite high, almost like a partial bridge.




This is an excellent angle to give oral sex to a woman. After a bit of foreplay the person on top should get on their knees and, put on a green condom and penetrate your lover with their hips raised by the pillows. If you are feeling queasy at any time from your night of St. Patricks Day drinking, simply vomit into the sauce pot that you’ve strategically placed near your sexy time zone. After the penetrative sex is over, take away the pillows, have a good kiss and then pass your adult friend a green beer. Cheers to a great St. Paddy’s day!

Have fun and always remember to use condoms and get the consent of your adult friend before sex if alcohol is a factor.



Ancient Egyptian Handbook of Spells Deciphered

An Egyptian Handbook of Ritual Power (as researchers call it) has been deciphered revealing a series of invocations and spells. It includes love spells, exorcisms and a cure for black jaundice (a potentially fatal infection). Written in Coptic (an Egyptian language) the 20 page illustrated codex dates back around 1,300 years. This image shows part of the text. Original Image
Credit: Photo by Ms. Effy Alexakis, copyright Macquarie University Ancient Cultures Research Centre

Researchers have deciphered an ancient Egyptian handbook, revealing a series of invocations and spells.



Among other things, the “Handbook of Ritual Power,” as researchers call the book, tells readers how to cast love spells, exorcise evil spirits and treat “black jaundice,” a bacterial infection that is still around today and can be fatal.


The book is about 1,300 years old, and is written in Coptic, an Egyptian language. It is made of bound pages of parchment — a type of book that researchers call a codex.



“It is a complete 20-page parchment codex, containing the handbook of a ritual practitioner,” write Malcolm Choat and Iain Gardner, who are professors in Australia at Macquarie University and the University of Sydney, respectively, in their book, “A Coptic Handbook of Ritual Power” (Brepols, 2014).


The ancient book “starts with a lengthy series of invocations that culminate with drawings and words of power,” they write. “These are followed by a number of prescriptions or spells to cure possession by spirits and various ailments, or to bring success in love and business.”


For instance, to subjugate someone, the codex says you have to say a magical formula over two nails, and then “drive them into his doorpost, one on the right side (and) one on the left.”


The Sethians


Researchers believe that the codex may date to the 7th or 8th century. During this time, many Egyptians were Christian and the codex contains a number of invocations referencing Jesus.


However, some of the invocations seem more associated with a group that is sometimes called “Sethians.” This group flourished in Egypt during the early centuries of Christianity and held Seth, the third son of Adam and Eve, in high regard. One invocation in the newly deciphered codex calls “Seth, Seth, the living Christ.” [The Holy Land: 7 Amazing Archaeological Finds]


The opening of the codex refers to a divine figure named “Baktiotha” whose identity is a mystery, researchers say. The lines read, “I give thanks to you and I call upon you, the Baktiotha: The great one, who is very trustworthy; the one who is lord over the forty and the nine kinds of serpents,” according to the translation.


“The Baktiotha is an ambivalent figure. He is a great power and a ruler of forces in the material realm,” Choat and Gardner said at a conference, before their book on the codex was published.


Historical records indicate that church leaders regarded the Sethians as heretics and by the 7th century, the Sethians were either extinct or dying out.


This codex, with its mix of Sethian and Orthodox Christian invocations, may in fact be a transitional document, written before all Sethian invocations were purged from magical texts, the researchers said. They noted that there are other texts that are similar to the newly deciphered codex, but which contain more Orthodox Christian and fewer Sethian features.


The researchers believe that the invocations were originally separate from 27 of the spells in the codex, but later, the invocations and these spells were combined, to form a “single instrument of ritual power,” Choat told Live Science in an email.


Who would have used it?


The identity of the person who used this codex is a mystery. The user of the codex would not necessarily have been a priest or monk.


“It is my sense that there were ritual practitioners outside the ranks of the clergy and monks, but exactly who they were is shielded from us by the fact that people didn’t really want to be labeled as a “magician,'” Choat said.


Some of the language used in the codex suggests that it was written with a male user in mind, however, that “wouldn’t have stopped a female ritual practitioner from using the text, of course,” he said.




The origin of the codex is also a mystery. Macquarie University acquired it in late 1981 from Michael Fackelmann, an antiquities dealer based in Vienna. In “the 70s and early 80s, Macquarie University (like many collections around the world) purchased papyri from Michael Fackelmann,” Choat said in the email.


But where Fackelmann got the codex from is unknown. The style of writing suggests that the codex originally came from Upper Egypt.


“The dialect suggests an origin in Upper Egypt, perhaps in the vicinity of Ashmunein/Hermopolis,” which was an ancient city, Choat and Gardner write in their book.


The codex is now housed in the Museum of Ancient Cultures at Macquarie University in Sydney.


11 Scary Scenarios That Will Make You Shit Your Pants

Do you dread the unseen? Do you check behind the shower curtain always, to see if someone’s there? Do you check the backseat of your car to see if someone snuck in while you were shopping for groceries?




Do you like getting spooked?


1. That thing in your toilet



Image source

Things have been known to crawl up the sewage pipes and into the toilet pot. Rats do it all the time.


Now what I think is the protocol, no one really looks down when they are taking a dump, do they? Say something crawls up the pipe while you are doing the business.




To take it further, you get bitten. Startled, you jump up and look for the creature that bit you. And the thing doesn’t really look like an earthly animal. Slithery, thick and black and shiny, swirling in the pool of flush water which has your blood in it now.


Or was it a hand? A black, skeletal hand with sharp bloodied nails? It retreated, but you still see it. It sits there, waiting.




2. Stroll mate

You like taking late night strolls, to clear your head or just to aid your digestion after a heavy dinner.


You are walking on the pathway and you cannot see anyone in the distance. The streetlights emit a halo around themselves. You hear a rustle of leaves like they are being walked upon just alongside you. At your pace. But you cannot see anyone walking.


You stop and the sound of the footsteps stop too. You walk and the footsteps start again.


You run. The footsteps run with you.


And you cannot see the person making the footfalls.




3. Temple bells


Still and humid air, your clothes stick to your skin with sweat. You are walking up the steps of a temple.


It’s quite late and no one is there. At the last flight of steps, the bells start ringing.


There is no breeze, no sudden gust of wind to make them sway. The tempo rises as you climb another step.


You run away and the bells stop. Do you want to go back again?




4. Flatmate


You come home after a long day, your flatmates are all out partying. You finally get that peaceful environment, where the apartment is all quiet and you just want to take a hot shower and crash into the bed. You step into the shower and feel good. The hot water relaxes your fatigued muscles and you sigh with relief.


You haven’t really shut the bathroom door, because what’s the point. No one is out there, right?


You pause shampooing your hair because you thought you heard footsteps out there in your room.


You turn off the shower to listen more closely, and you hear footsteps scurrying away. You come out of the bath in a towel and check. The main door is ajar and looks like it was pushed ajar a few seconds back. Did you leave it open? Is the person still inside?




5. Late night hydration

We all get thirsty in the middle of the night. Waking up with parched throats, we reach for the water bottle we always keep at a reachable distance.


You didn’t even need to switch on the light and you take three satisfying gulps of it. But now your throat itches and feels like there is something wiggling inside there. Something alive. You switch on the light and check your water bottle against the light.


A thin snake-like worm, a couple of centimeters long is swimming inside. It has got sharp teeth on a disc of a mouth and looks like if they latch on to something, they wouldn’t let go. You look even more closely, you spot more of them. So many of them, swirling agitatedly inside the water.


And one is inside you. Could there be others, many of them? Are they burrowing? Because the itch in your throat is slowly turning into sharp pain.




6. Reflections

You get up in the morning to brush your teeth, and you stare listlessly into the mirror because you are still grumpy and half asleep. The process of brushing is monotonous, but you have to do it.


The bathroom door behind you is wide open and someone is peeking at you, look back but no one’s there. You dismiss it as a trick of the light. But you notice the same man peeking at you from random reflections during the day. On the reflective bus windows, on the big glass behind which the mannequins are put for display. The same man. Is he waiting for something? Should you look into the mirror again?


Look closely into the mirror again. Is he still there?




7. Whispers

You are driving through the traffic, horns blaring everywhere and you finally turn into the road on which your house is. You hear a faint whisper in your ear that says, “Do not go, I don’t want to leave you.”


You are startled and look back, but there’s no one there. Maybe you imagined it all.


But the whispers continue. The whisperers are following you everywhere.




8. Ear cleaning

It has been more than a week since you cleaned your ears. You take a q-tip and expect to scoop out a dollop of earwax, but you scoop out a small centipede, a creepy crawler with smaller baby crawlers on its back. You throw it away in disgust and go to your doctor for a check-up, but he says everything is fine. But you start hearing something inside your head.


Tik-tik. Tik-tik


Is the worm inside your head? Is it eating your brains? You cannot spot really small worms on an MRI, right? Or can you?


Tik tik. Is it gnawing on the inside of your skull with its pincers?


Tik tik tik.




9. Ventilation

Your bed is placed near the low and big window overlooking the garden outside. You keep it open because you love the fresh air when you sleep.


You just had a very lucid dream and it woke you up and now you are squirming in your bed. You open your eyes and see the moonlit sky through the window.


And the person standing there, staring right at you. He has seen that you have noticed him, but he still doesn’t flinch. You get up and his unblinking gaze follows you.


He is still undaunted by the prospect of getting caught. You flee.


Has he always been there outside? Every night?




10. Narnia

Chronicles of Narnia was a cute book and a lovely movie. Such a nice fairy tale, where you can just go to a kingdom

full of adventure because it is such a cool world beyond that wardrobe.


What if our world is the better world of all, and horrible creatures of all the other worlds out there want a taste of it?


You hear knocks on the inside of the closet or wardrobe. It is random and sporadic and sounds desperate. And before you even realize that someone knocked, it’s gone. Next time, listen closely. Is there a person inside your closet?




11. The WiFi stops working



Heh heh heh heh…